Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he’d only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He’d have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Rangers top.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as Wanky-Nobby. Darth Vader Would be referred to as “Auld Helmet Heid” or in moments of stress “That Dome-Heided B*****d”.

R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or p*** on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a train or set on fire.

Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3PO would still be unable to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a “greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie”.

The Milennium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windows and extra flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record “I Love Scotland” sticker and a Saltire bumper sticker.

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it’s hard to run very fast when you’re wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your a*** every two steps, and you’ve been a heavy smoker since you were 6.

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack.
Two easy ways would be:
- Alter it’s orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks.
- Leave it unattended in Easterhouse.